It is always good to have a goal in life...

Be it short term or long term, a goal in life sets you on the path of
persistance and focus' you towards it.  There are many people in
the world that are 'driven' by the simpliest of goals.  I am one
of them.

However, it really depends on what
that goal is.  For me, my goals have never really been about work,
unless at work.  My goal during the golf season is to break 100. I
did that last year, five times and even scored an 88 (best ever). 
But, when it comes to computer games... I get just a little bit
zealous... almost obsessed... almost.

World of Warcraft is one such game.  Just when you think that you
are out, it pullls you back in (thanks Godfather for that phrase)...
You start out playing, the first 2 hours fly by and BAM! you're at
level 10 thinking, 'Man that was great.. those quests were easy and
look, I have 2g already...'  By about level 20, you pat yourself
on the back.... between 30-40 you are thinking... man I better stay out
of that AH (auction house) to save up my gold to by me a Pony (or
Mechanical Ostrich, Wolf, Undead Horse, Raptor, or Kodo depending on
your allegance)... between 40-50, its the principle that you tell
yourself, I must get to 50, that's my goal, must get the most exp I
can....

But between 50-60 you are just flat out not really caring about quests,
you just what to attain level 55 and level 60... and for the love of
Elune and all that is sacred... stay the hell out of the AH.. .I've
made so many bad purchases, like dropping 20g on a pattern that I know
I'm NOT going to use but I want to be the only tailor on Cenarius to
have every frickin pattern available.. just like Pokemon, gotta catch
them all.

So where was I?

Ah yes, I have goals.. they just are focused in a different area right now...

Onto 60

Vx Out

Karma is a weird and sometimes wonderful thing....

This has happened to me before.

I've applied for multiple jobs and get interviews and then I accept a
job and more job offers come my way... I get home yesterday and I had 2
messages on my answering machine wanting me for interviews.... I had to
call them up and tell tham that I was interested, however I'm starting
a new job on Monday and that if things don't work out, please keep my
resume on file.

Go figure... why can't they call sooner?

Vx lvling to 55 and up today WTS [Runecloth Bag] 2.4g pst

Well, it was a while coming but... I'm employed now!

It just took two months of job searching, many emails of pushing my
resume and a job fair that ultimately lead to my hiring at a local Tool
and Die shop, which hereforthwith and then some shalt be called Company
#3.

I have always had the ability to show up to an appointment early. 
I hate being late and I hate to have excuses.... the cat ate my laundry
so I had to wear jeans instead of the nice pants I had all ironed
out... or that 15 car pileup really slowed me down, so I had to speed
here and you'll never know how far police officiers and paramedics fly
when you clip them...   You know, those types of excuses,
just doesn't look good to the employeer.

So I actually arrived in town an hour early. I went to the local gocery
store and since i was hungry... and this probably has something to do
with nerves... I had Sushi, a Turkey sandwich, a Ham sandwhich and a
Sobey Green Tea. When I'm depressed, or nervous I eat...

But, I then drove to the visitors parking lot and sat for about
half-hour and listened to the radio. I walked into the door, annouced
myself and Chuck was there... We started the meeting and he's a good
guy for sure... Cooks, golfs, makes his own wine and his wife is mutual
friends with an old friend of my fathers whom I know as well

But I asked him:

Vx: "So why the changes in Management (This was told ot me as a
management suffle in the first interview as if it was a family takeover
or something, hence my post awhile back)
C: "Well we have 3 companies each doing their own thing, so to speak,
and now with SOX/Audit and other things we are trying to get everyone
on the same page."
Vx: "So then this company has had 1 IT person for the past x number of years and its getting too much for him."
C: "Basically yes.  (He then gave me a history of the company,etc)
So we are hiring more people accordingly.  In fact we have one guy
here that was supposed to be only part time.. that was five years
ago...He's stuck now (with a friendly laugh)"
Vx: "What made you decide to hire me then?"
C: "Well a number of reasons.  First, Steve (my supervisor)
checked your references.  We could read between the lines on that
one (meaning that the past four jobs that I've had I cannot use them as
references due to the fact that I have a fear that they would screw me
over big time.) *Chuck just left it at that*. You also had a great
personality and you were the only one to introduce yourself at that Job
fair to me.  That made an impression. Plus, you arrive early. I
hate people that are late."

We then got to chit-chat about cooking, mutual friends and the like. He
also mentioned loyalty to the company... He's been there since '97 and
over the years the company has treated him well.

But the jist of the job is that I have 2 reviews of my performance in
45 and 85 day periods. Pay increases will be changed in accordance with
them. Also, my hours are 8-4, M-F and are subject to change depending
on what is needed.  I am also recognized for overtime (1.5) after
40 hours...

The benefits are amazing and a pension plan as well which the company
matches after 2 years they put in 2%, after 3 years 3%, 5 years 5%, 10
years 10%.... pretty impressive.

So I start work .... I can't get used to saying that now lol.... on
Monday... which is also Tiger opening day. Damn... one of these years
I'm going to see an opening day!

Vx jumping for joy!

Things change, people change...Friendship will not last forever, that is for certain.

The more I think about it and talk about it, the more it really ticks
me off... I'm referring to my conversations with Jenn these past few
days.

Throughout the years, I have always been a good friend.  No matter
what was said in confidence to me, I always kept it to myself.  So
there were times that Jenn would use me to cry on my shoulder when
things weren't all perfect with Dave and I listened. That's all I have
done and ever do is listen.  Now that she's engaged, after 3 solid
years of pushing, planning, etc she has him... As soon as they get
married she wants to have a child... I'm guessing to cement the
relationship. Lock, stock and 2 smoking barrels I say.

But, what gets me is that Dave is letting this happen.  Sure, I
expected that we would grow apart, but she is blatantly manipulating
him, putting that final wedge between him and his friends... Which is
fine, but it is definitely a lonely life to live.

So, I called up Dave and asked him to a lunch to at least let me have
one final say, for our friendships sake, to say that if I have been
negative towards him or Jenn that I will apologize.

I have always been there for Dave and will continue to do so. But, I
will accept the fact that this will be our final gathering together.

I have also prepared myself for the fact that I won't be invited to his wedding. As a best man, usher, etc.

I also know that for the past five years that I have known Jenn, who is
a beautiful woman, and has many beautiful friends, she has not once
introduced me to one of her single friends... Nice of her.

The one thing that I have noticed about her, is that she is an
attention grabber... If she isn't in the spotlight, or close by it, she
will adjust that light with a little nudge.

With all my heart, I truly feel sorry for Dave... I really, really
do... If things were not great in that relationship to begin with...
marriage will not solve it.

Onto more enlightening news... Second interview tomorrow...

I am looking forward to it... One to see if they will choose me. Two,
because I really need the money.  I'll fill you all in tomorrow

Vx Out

The Gathering had arrived and then it left...

Yesterday's dinner went well.  It was just like any other dinner
only with more people... Turkey, Honey-baked Ham and carrots were the
main dishes as well as your basic freshly cut fruits and vegtables.

There are only a few people that I can truly say are good people on my
step-father's side of the family. G, T and Pat.  Pat is a
successful purchaser of wines for a large and wealthy hotel in
Michigan.  He was telling me a story that he was in Napa Valley at
Francis Ford Coppola's house and they were opening $200 bottles of wine
by the case like it was nothing.  He didn't get a wine bottle but
he did get a lemon off of Francis' lemon tree and used it in a salad.

Other than that, my step-father's brother was there, he's gotten better
with age and his girlfriend and her hyper-active son as well.

The best news of all is that Michigan State beat Duke for the first
time in seven meetings in March Madness.  It was a great game and
State pulled it off by beating them by 10.  I'm not much into
basketball but I do enjoy a great game.  All the while the son
(who I think has ADD) was all over the place looking for attention,
etc. It's a horrible disease and I do hope they cure it soon.

Other than that, I have JJ  practice today and we are back on at
1pm till whenever the class could go till 4 if Sensei wanted too...
But, even he said he didn't... Plus its Easter weekend.

---------------------
Quote of the Day:


This is a classic Eddie Izzard line, but it works on so many levels:

Parent: "You know, Jesus died for your sins on Easter..."
Kids: "Oh, ya that's great... I mean that's bad... I mean, gimme more of these chocolate eggs, they're great!"

Vx Eastering

What has been happening with my life these past few years?

Am I truly so full of anger, hatred, resentment that I can no longer
enjoy the simplier things in life.  People say this tired old
cliche: "If life gives you a shitty hand, you deal with it and move
on."  But there are sometimes that you cannot.  That things
have been left unsaid for too long that it doesn't matter whether or
not to bring them up again.  If you do, it won't solve anything...
It never does.

I say this now because I had a long talk with both Jenn and Dave on MSN
today.  MSN is not the be all and end all of conversations. I'm
more of a face-to-face person.  But, apparently my negative-ism
streak has been going on for the last few years.

I have been on the defensive for too long now and I'm tired of
it.  I've been screwed around with jobs for the past four years
all because I've been trusting, energetic and a real go getter. 
But I have never been challenged, so I get bored with it... Days turn
into weeks, weeks into months and I just go in, do my time go out and
my boss gets on my back... (See Company #1).

That is the problem with a small town.  The last three jobs have
been here.  A real-estate company.  A major greenhouse
grower. A major food processing facility.

ex-BossGuy said to me once: "The only common denominator in the last
job and here is you..."  Does that have a ring of truth? If I let
myself think that way, then yes it does... but then my self-confidence
goes out the window.

I have not been very confident in the hobby that I used to love
lately... and I believe Frameworkz said it best: If the hobby that you
love becomes work... find a new hobby.

In my case, find a new job, find and obtain better education, live my life...

But, I have had alot of anger building up in me... it really came out
in a burst when my mother was drilling me with questions about my job
with Company #2 and I just flipped... I was so stressed that I not only
dug my nails into the back of my head but I also punched my wooden
desk... The pain kinda helped... But I know I need help...  All
this anger is not good for the soul, or for myself

I'll post the convo that I had with J&D, but I truly don't know what is wrong with me...

The fact that I have had the ability to listen to other people's
problems... give my advice... yet no one talks to me anymore they are
living their own life, as I am trying to life mine... as lame as that
sounds.

Here's the conversation take what you will out of it...

J:  what's with the name now?

Vx: what's
in a name? good
morning to you too

J: gm

Vx: so
whats new with you?

J: nm  u?

Vx: there's a gathering here tonight because my
step-brother's mother died... and along with all the other burdens that go with
his arrival it gets doubled with his wife in town

J: you seem
really hateful

Vx: lol...
you have no idea what I have gone through with him. Ask Dave about it, he can
justify my hatred.

J: Do you really
want to go through life full of hatred? 
Can you not just move on?

Vx: I
have moved on. Long ago I tried to reach out and be the better man, and I was
turned away with laughter and spite.   So
I don't speak to him and he to me

J:  Vx when I
met you I thought you were one of the nicest guys I had ever met and lately you
seem to be turning into one of the rudest,meanest people I know what's with it?

Vx: I
hardly think I'm rude or mean, but I've been out of work for 2 months. I've
been screwed around with in the past two jobs and I'm still living at home...
I'm just tired of it all.  Whereever I go
I'm treated like shit, and I really don't deserve it.

J: You are never
treated like shit from us ...Neither David or my self like nor accept the way
you are acting towards us or life in generallt . Sometimes in
life you get dealt shitty cards you need to deal with them and m,ove on

Vx: Please
put aside the psych 101.  How am I acting
towards you and Dave?

J: You don;t
have to be out of work you could get a job at Tim's while you continue to look
....you seem to keep having this pitty parties for your slef and really there
is no need for them

Vx: I
swore to myself that I would never work in an area that said: would you like
fries with that... That is the only thing that drives me to look for better
work

J: sure but
you  need to realize that it would only
be a temp thing.  I would and
do do it and so would David you do what
you have to

Vx:So
then back to my original question, how am I acting towards you and Dave?  Or
is this acting more toward yourself?

J: Vx you
just are turning out to be a generally negative person who neither of us enjoy
talking to or spending time with we try not to associate with -ve people.  Who would
turn their back on someone when their mother died....you would.  Like him or
not you have to be supportive

Vx: ok,
now I know you don't know the whole story but that was not called for. I have
been supportive, but this is something that he needs to work out with himself.
Thus I have stayed out of the way. His
mother did it to herself with over 30 years of Alcoholic abuse.

J: So what

V: So
I have given my condolences. He has to deal with this himself, there is nothing
I can do that I have not already done.

J: And as far as
you "not working in a fry shop" 
Well then don;t get all bend out of shape that you still live at home I
wanted out and I lived in a nice place on a min wage job you have to work for
it if you want more you can't just sit on you ass waiting for it to come to you

Vx: Somewhere
down the road and I don't know when we've gotten off on the wrong foot.  But, what is really bothering you about me?

J: You don;t
come home loads of money so take that silver spoon out of your ass and do
something for yourself

Vx: You
are right. I don't come home to loads of money. Money has never been a driving
point for me.  I lived with my mother on
Howard for god knows how many years. 
I've never had the best nor have I expected it.  My base and core values are quite simple and
that's how I like to live.  Sure money
helps, but I don't care about it.And
you know what... I was happiest back then. On Howard, in Windsor with whatever
little I had 

J: So get a job
at a tim's or something and at least put some cash away

Vx: But,
I am doing something for myself.  I've
been accepted to University.  I also have
a second interview with Titan and I plan to accept that job and do the best
that I can....

 

So,
really what is bothering you about me.

J: Your negative
attitude

Vx: ok
and at what point have I been negative? Has it been in real life or in MSN
messenger? Because if it has been in Real life then I will apologize face to
face.

J: both

Vx: Ok,
lets go to real life then. When?

J: Both David
and I have seen it and heard it

Vx: Was
it because I didn't get along with one of your friends at that christmas party?

J:no not even
that you just aren;t the same person I met almost 5 years ago

Vx: If
Dave has a problem with it then I would expect him, as a friend to simply say,
you know kurt, just tone it back or something like that because i know I'm not
aware of it?

J:  k  I'll tell him

Vx: But,
I'd like to know when I have been negative.. .because there have been only a
handful of times that I have been over... So if you can remember, please jog my
memory and
If I have wronged you in anyway, which seems to be the case, not just Dave and
you. You personally. Then please tell me.

J: hold on

Vx: k

D: Kurt its dave

Vx: hey Ok,
tell me what is up.

D:I don't know
i was hoping that you would tell me that. 
I have to agree with jenn, you have been very negative lately.  Your going back to Uni.. you have a second
interview.  I thought you would be happy

Vx: I
am happy about all that Dave.  Maybe its
all the little things that have been happening to me over the last 3 years that
are just piling up. Who knows because I don't... Yes my attitude has changed
and if I have wronged either you or Jenn, then I'll apologize face-to-face, not
this MSN bs, but things to me aren't as enjoyable as they once were.

D:Vx from
one friend to an other.  I really think
you should go and talk to someone

Vx: Ya
I probably should.

D: Vx Im
serious i think that you really should. 
Both jenn and I are worried about you.

Vx: That
I appreciate.

D: You know my
number don't be affraid to use it .  I
might be in twon on sunday after noon

Vx:We'll
have to get together then if you have time

D: k

Vx:good

And that was that... I've known Dave for a long time.  I trust
Dave with my life.  He has never steered me wrong in all  my
years and has been a great, great friend...  But people change,
situations in life, change... I'm not the only one.

There was a time that Dave was the most outgoing person that I knew...
Now, he's more reserved, doesn't say too much and Jenn is the
boisterous one... She seems to me the type that is a very outgoing
person... but, she is always looking for a reaction out of Dave
mainly.... the drink doesn't help that situation, that is for sure.
Just my observations.

Sure, I might have issues. No one in their right mind can say that they don't.

I have always been raised by simple methods.  Do well in
school.  Be good to your friends. Work hard and you will be
rewarded.  I've done all three and yet still not seen any rewards.
Just got ot keep on plugging at it.

Vx Out

Maybe by Vx
Maybe I'm just restless....
Maybe I just need to get out more...
Maybe I can do something more with my life....
Doubts?
Sure... Maybe, I do...
I feel like I  still want to fight someting, someone, anything...
There is a difference between insecurity and people inputting their
opinions of another... but, that is all that it is... an opinion...
Everyone is entitled to one....that's the freedom of laws, human rights and all that jazz...
end

The rest of the story

What gets to me is that everyone is telling me what to do.  Yes, I
ask for their advice, and I listen to it... but they don't ask what I
want to do...

People are now, just humouring my 'hobbies'.  They think its a
phase.... A phase would be dying my hair bright green... or getting a
piercing and then regretting or growing out of it years later...

This isn't a fad, this is structure, honour, it's how many people in the world should act but don't....

I think it was Shakespear that once said, "The world has two faces..."
The same can be said for people...  They pat you on the back, just
to make sure that they know where to put the knife...

It has happened to me many times.... I'm a trusting fool... I've been
raised to trust people and look where it's gotten me....the last 3 jobs
'failed' because I trusted people.... Naivety got in my way...

Stupidity more like it....

Why am I this way.... pent up anger, not rage... not yet... and yet,
all I want to do is go to school... get my education... move on... move
out...

Is that so wrong to think that? To ask for that?

I am but a simple person.... I only need the basics... Love,
understanding, I have compassion, I have the other feelings as well and
yet, I am still judged...

The reason this has come along are old memories resurfacing.... 
My step-brother is in town... when Mom first met my soon to be
Step-dad, my step-brother... call him B, was 3 years older than
me...and will be unless he croaks...but anyhow for ten years... I was
subject to ridicule, getting beat up (baseball to the groin, playing
hockey, hard rubber ball off the shins, groin whatever...) all the
while I was trying to make things work with B, trying to be at least
friends...

But, this spoiled, arrogant, obnozious, vile fucking asshole would
laugh and go about doing his thing... so I did what I always have done
best... worked with my computer...

While he went off and did whatever... but over the years, I build up a
tolerance... what am I saying... hatred... I cannot stand him... call
it 'sibiling rivalary' if you must, but we were never raised from birth
together....

But, out of ten years of torture... I had only one moment of
satisfaction.. and yet it was still not enough..... at least for me...

There was one evening that Dave, myself and B were watching UFC and we
decided to pretend to wrestle... so Dave and B started and I said, I'll
face winner... Dave purposely lost and B and I were up...

Somehow it happened that I was on my back and B's head ended up so that
I had a choke on him and I planted my legs and turned his head down,
cutting off his airways.... He was tapping, coughing, choking, turning
blue... and you know what... I was thinking of absolutely.......

Nothing....Not a thought passed through my mind...

Did I kill him? No. I'm not cruel. I stopped. Dave pulled him off of
me.... But, satisfaction was not had... not by a long shot. But, I
still remember... Dave remembers too. We rarely speak of it.... But, it
does come up on occasion.

Jenn asks about why I don't like him... or what the story was and I
just shrug it off... Dave tells her to drop it and not too pry...

Somethings are better left unsaid...

But, I've told you what has happened...

Yes, it's in the past... I should let by-gones be by-gones... but I
can't... everytime I see him... and the way my mother is treated, it
just doesn't sit well with me...

He's still a spoiled brat that even with age and the recent death of
his mother is looking for people to go, "aww, you poor poor thing" He
doesn't deserve it... True, it's a tragedy but really what do you
expect from a mother that drank herself to death for 30 years?

But, now I must go, I need to get some water and sleep..I'm tried of all this... just too tired for words to describe.

Vx Out

Just a quick update...not dead.. no, seriously I'm not

I have good news.  I have a second job interview with Company
#3.  Meeting with the Director of Operations and the Assistant
General Manager.  Which is good news.  I've talked about this
job before and I've talked it through with my dad.  Basically he
said, 'Take the job.  School starts in september.  If you
like the job keep doing it.  If not, go to school in September."

Which sounds about right, give the company a chance, get some money coming in and let the chips fall where they may.

Good to see I have sound advice from my family.

Vx Out

Happy birthday to my Poppa... you don't look 75

Birthdays are the day that one celebrates the coming of one's
age.  When we were young, it was simple... cake, ice cream,
friends and presents. As you grow up, it becomes a little simplier...
Cake, ice cream, friends, cards with gift certificates.

But, it was my Poppa's 75th birthday on Sunday and we had a great
time.  Went to the downtown restaurant and had the buffet. 
This is a great restaurant because it not only has your usual scrambled
eggs, sauages, bacon and potatoes... But it also had Kingfish with
Mussels,  and a ton of othe great food.

We all ate too much and had a good time.

Happy 75th Birthday Poppa

From your Grandson

That's just weird... *shakes head*... un-natural even...

By that phrase it must be time for another reiteration of JJ Class - Saturday Edition!... yay....*cheer damn you *

Well, Saturday's class was full of surprises... First, Sensei's
Sensei's (the one that unforunately died last year) Daughter was in
class.  She is now the official Master of our style and from which
all knowledge derives from her.  Which is great! But, I expected
her to be taller... it was like that Star Wars quote: "Aren't you a
little short to be a Storm-trooper?"

For the past few weeks we have been working with the Yawara stick, or
as we call it in public, our key-chain.  A few sessions of this
and your hands will no doubt become bruised, swollen and sore (after
class of course). So in practising with this device, tool, instrument
of pain and destruction, what-have-you, there are some people that
certain situations with this device will not work on...

Apparently I'm one of those people.  But, I'm getting ahead of
myself... Let me recap some of our students that have interesting
'abilities'

BigBen:  This is the guy
that I went to NS with... He's about 6' and coined our phrase: "It'll
grow back".  He also has wrists like Gumby.  No, no, I'm
being serious here... You can physically have him against a wall, his
elbow will be at his waist and his hand will be physically turned
around touching the wall flat... It's a picture type moment to see, but
cool nonetheless.

Ok, so there's only one that I can think of... but it's a start. Now onto my story...

We were practising full nelson's in class. We did it with our hands,
peeling off the interlocked fingers, etc... Then we did it with the
Yawara stick... Tried it on BigBen first, it worked... you drive the
stick into the flesh on top of the hand and the fingers will
release.  So it was my turn. I had BB in a Full Nelson and he was
hitting the tops of my hands and nothing was releasing. I was feeling
no pain, I mean, yes I was feeling the stick hitting my hand but it
wasn't working on me.

So Sensei comes up to me and I applied the FN to him. He was driving
the stick into my hands and me (with the warped and twisted sense of
humour that I have) was laughing.  Strange I know, and I don't
know why I was laughing but I just found that the technique wasn't
working on me funny, no not funny, hilarious.

Here's the conversation:
Before appling the FN to Sensei he tried it with just my hands interlocked.

Sensei: "Ok, and you just hit here *strikes*"
Vx: "Nothing"
Sensei: "Hmm... *looks at my hands, pokes harder and moves the stick across my hands*"
Vx: "Still nothing..."
BB: "You've got to be crying on the inside."
Vx: "Nope"
Sensei: "Ok apply the technique"
*I do*
Sensei is prodding around and really getting in there... I'm laughing....

BB: "Let me give it a try..."
Sensei: "Sure, but I was hitting pretty hard."
*You could see the marks on my hands, but nothing was phasing me*
Sensei: "That's weird.. you have no veins on top of your hands... must be from all that typing you do"
Vx: "Well, I have been doing it for twenty years..."
Sherri #2: "Twenty years?"
Vx: "Ya I started when I was young"
BB: "Sure, typing... right! *chuckles*
Vx: "Funny guy (can't call him a bastard in front of Sensei, that would be disrespectful)"
Sensei to Class:
Sensei: "Ok, for those of you doing this technique it should work, unless you are Vx... he's just weird..."

Now in the locker room, we were talking about our various injuries..
.the conversation got around to the whole sadistic nature of doing
JJ....
Daniel-san: "You know being as twisted as we are, I could see us in a
bar, get into a fight, the guy wails on your with one punch and you
turn to him and say: 'Wow! That was a great punch! Do that again!'"
Vx: "Our even better, 'My friend has a video camera in his car, would
you mind him getting it so I can put that on the website?'"
BB: "Well, Sensei always says you need a distraction, that would
work.  Personally I'd say, 'Let's have the bouncers rate that hit
on a scale of 1 to 10.'"

We all walk out laughing...

A good group of people that are in the class that's for sure.

-----------------
Quote of the Day x3

I would have to say that the last conversation was my
favourite... that and the Sensei comment, but this would be the best of
the night...

Finally, BB said as a comment in the locker room....
BB: Now, my wrist turning like that is weird enough as it is... but, that hand thing is just as bad...
Vx: Nah, I still think that your wrist thing tops my hand thing...
Daniel-san: BB wrist are first weird and yours is a close second

Vx Out